{"id":17044,"date":"2021-11-17T16:22:48","date_gmt":"2021-11-17T16:22:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/160-news\/?p=17044"},"modified":"2021-11-17T16:24:24","modified_gmt":"2021-11-17T16:24:24","slug":"nine-timeless-lessons-from-macdo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/2021\/11\/nine-timeless-lessons-from-macdo\/","title":{"rendered":"Nine Timeless Lessons from “MacDo”"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Julie Hessler ’85<\/strong><\/p>\n

As Professor Mary Gwen Owen (Class of 1923) might have put it, the chilly, brutal, twenty-first century Mars Rover truth is that etiquette books are risky endeavors.<\/p>\n

They are often relics of their times. At best, a dollhouse window framing a frozen scene of the olden days. At worst, cringeworthy, with passages and so-called rules of behavior (clothed in gloves and hats) that are sexist, racist, classist, and ageist.<\/p>\n

Mary Gwen Owen, however, was not deterred. In 1965, she published her own guide to etiquette: MacDo Book or How Not to Be a MacDuffer<\/em>. According to The Mac Weekly<\/em> on February 12, 1965, the book was to \u201cbe distributed to all faculty and administration members, students, and trustees of the college. It will also be sent to all incoming freshmen during the summer.\u201d<\/p>\n

Like Owen herself, MacDo<\/em> is highly unique and inventive. And unlike other etiquette books, which often promote temperate conformity of behavior, the surprising subtext of Owen\u2019s guide is one of radical self-knowledge and independence. In a chapter devoted to what she calls \u201cStand-Up-Stand-Around-Ats,\u201d events \u201csuch as teas, coffees, brunches, parties, receptions, weddings and garden parties where you will very likely remain standing up while chatting, eating, and sitting,\u201d Owen tells readers, in poetry, how to greet their hosts at such an event: \u201cGive \u2018them\u2019 your hand (with its shiny clean glove!\/ And your name\u2014just say, \u201cI am me\/ (Nothing fancy, you see!)\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am me.\u201d Or, as we might tweet it today, \u201cI. Am. Me.\u201d During her 40-year tenure at Macalester, it seems unlikely that Owen would have needed to introduce herself to anyone. By today\u2019s standards, she was glamorous, photographed wearing pearls and stylish red hats. The precise rules for hat wearing, too, are outlined in MacDo<\/em>: \u201cYour smartest hat for teas, special luncheons, weddings, and parties. No hat for evening affairs, but of course, hats in church!\u201d<\/p>\n

By any standards, she was highly accomplished, and dearly beloved. After graduating from Macalester, Owen taught speech and drama at the college for 40 years and founded the Drama Choros, a reading and acting and dancing group of students which toured nationally performing dramatic recitations of pieces such as \u201cDreams Deferred\u201d by Langston Hughes, and \u201cEl Paseo de Buster Keaton\u201d\u2014\u201dBuster Keaton Takes a Walk\u201d\u2014by Federico Garcia Lorca, incorporating movement and sound effects into its performances.<\/p>\n

When Owen retired in 1968, she was feted with a campus-wide \u201cGwenday\u201d celebration in her honor. Her founders\u2019 biography on the college website describes her as \u201csomeone who was ahead of her time in many ways\u201d and who \u201cemphasized social justice.\u201d These two latter qualities inform MacDo<\/em> so that even today, nearly 60 years later, her etiquette guide still offers some timeless lessons.<\/p>\n

\n

9 Timeless Lessons<\/h2>\n

Be yourself. <\/strong>\u201cIt therefore behooves you to cultivate the type of manner and manners you feel project the real you. What type of an individual are you, anyway\u2014unselfconscious, gracious, kind, poised, thoughtful, capable, sophisticated, gay, easy? Or, on the other hand, are you the type of individual who is dour, unapproachable, unhappy, insecure, unpoised, abrupt, ungracious? Which type of individual do you wish to be?\u201d<\/p>\n

For example: \u201cWhat to Say in Notes<\/em>…Say exactly what you sincerely feel. Make it short, not necessarily a letter. Make it personal. What you liked\u2014what you felt\u2014what was lovely\u2014how you appreciate\u2014how sorry you are. Remember, always use your own words.\u201d<\/p>\n

Use poetic, vigorous language with aplomb\u2014and used adjectives unsparingly. <\/strong>Are you \u201cA well-adjusted, poised, eager MacDoer?\/ Or a blithering, mumbling, arrogant, ill-informed MacDuffer?\u201d<\/p>\n

Be bold and stylish. <\/strong>\u201cNever be afraid to ask what to wear. It is done.\u201d<\/p>\n

Say no thank you to skunks and clowns. <\/strong>\u201cYour stationery should complement your personality…Informal note paper is acceptable. Be sure it is plain with no straw-hatted skunks or lugubrious clowns or flourishing gold lettered \u2018thank you\u2019s\u2019 decorating the front page.\u201d<\/p>\n

Be yourself, part II. <\/strong>\u201cFind your own style and proceed from there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Stop saying hi! <\/strong>\u201cOnly a MacDuffer would think it enougher\/ When meeting and greeting his \u201celders\u201d!* Just to twang, \u201chi\u201d\/(That raspy old, ghastly old\/Nasalized \u201chi\u201d!)\/When \u201celders\u201d pass by\/Give them the full greeting treatment\/ The nod of the head, the name, the smile\/on the face\/But never\u2014not ever\u2014\/ No, never\/Twang\/\u201cHI\u201d! *Elders: defined as \u201c30 or so.\u201d<\/p>\n

Reconsider informal party invitations (and beware of mysterious brain watchers). <\/strong>\u201cAs a die-hard agitator against seven-digit telephone numbers and the frightening flood of test scores fed into IBM machines by multitudes of Brain Watchers, to haunt the testee to his dying day, We say down with dittoed \u2018invitations\u2019! If a party is worth giving, let\u2019s make it so from start to finish. The dittoed \u2018invitation\u2019 can\u2019t be an acceptable behavior form\u2014can it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Be courteous. <\/strong>\u201cTimes, situations, customs may change, but courtesy is always courtesy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Find your truth. <\/strong>\u201cFind the universal truth by which you can live. In this jolly Jet Age where time is of the essence, you may only have one moment in which to project the integrity of your Image.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\"Mary<\/a>\"Mary<\/a>\"Mary<\/a><\/div>\n
\n

Reflections on\u00a0MacDo<\/em><\/h2>\n

Three alumni recall\u00a0MacDo<\/em>‘s influence in college and beyond.<\/h3>\n

\u201cGrowing up in the 1950s, I kept by my bedside a Bible, Emily Post\u2019s Etiquette<\/em>, and required school readings. Once Macalester became my destination, I added the MacDo<\/em> book. It became a carefully read reference with specific guidelines for the beginning of my freshman year. The first year I lived on the women-only floor in Dupre Hall. We had an evening curfew hour, we had a room Open Door Policy during male visits, and we were locked onto our floor each night. I do remember visiting with guys below our windows who were still outside after our floor was locked and we women were all \u2018safe\u2019 inside.<\/p>\n

My, how life changed during those four Macalester years, 1966\u20131970! As we each came to know ourselves and rely on our inner self to guide our actions, books of behavior were left by the wayside. We had our studies, budding relationships, and the Vietnam War with all the senseless killings as focus. I don\u2019t even know where or exactly when my MacDo<\/em> book disappeared. The reality of the times took priority and guided our actions.<\/p>\n

Yet, as I raised my family a number of years later, I did share some of Mary Gwen Owen\u2019s advice with my children to help guide their decisions and actions. Interesting to think back now, for the MacDo<\/em> book did have a lasting influence on my life!\u201d \u2013Barb Brodie Erickson \u201970<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThe summer of 1966 before I started at Mac, I got a packet in the mail that included a summer reading list, which included MacDo<\/em>, Lord of the Flies<\/em>, and The Jungle<\/em>. I\u2019m first-generation, so I follow the rules: I read all three.<\/p>\n

I was from a small town and led a very simple life. I hadn\u2019t attended any formal gatherings, and I could count on one hand the number of times I had eaten in a restaurant. There was a lot for me to learn. Mary Gwen wrote about having a little black dress and white gloves. I didn\u2019t have a little black dress, but I bought white gloves. I had a simple sundress that my mother made for me, which I wore to the president\u2019s reception on campus. It was an anniversary celebration of Wallace Hall, which was going to be remodeled, and there was someone from each decade who had lived in Wallace Hall. I went with my white gloves and my little black shoes and dressed the way I was supposed to dress according to Mary Gwen, and I gave my presentation about what life was like in the 1960s in Wallace Hall.<\/p>\n

MacDo<\/em> was very helpful, even in a joking sort of way. Mary Gwen was speaking to me. She was speaking to those of us who hadn\u2019t a clue how we were going to integrate ourselves into this community.\u201d \u2013Jeanne Sumnicht \u201970<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Anne\u201cI thought I still had my MacDo<\/em> copy, but I must have finally discarded it. But I still have this \u2018little black dress,\u2019 which I am pretty sure Ms. Owen pronounced as essential. I long ago disposed of the also-prescribed elbow-length black gloves (though maybe she advised white), which I think I wore exactly once, to the Freshmen Tea with President Harvey Rice. All those \u2018dos and don\u2019ts\u2019 now seem quaint and out-of-touch, but they were well intentioned as a help in our transition from gangly high schoolers to college students and citizens of the world.\u201d \u2013Anne Silvers Lee \u201969<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What does a 1965 etiquette guide teach us today?<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1077,"featured_media":17182,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[45],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17044","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-alumni","mediatype-articles"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"fields":{"article_type":[8],"flickr_photoset_id":"","youtube_id":"","square_thumbnail":false,"press_photos":false,"story_title":"","story_caption":"","rotations":false,"maps":false,"marker_title":"","marker_text":"","geographic_location":false,"feature_embed":"","custom_link_url":"","news_icon_name":"","image_options":false},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17044","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1077"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17044"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17044\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17202,"href":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17044\/revisions\/17202"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17182"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17044"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17044"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.macalester.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17044"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}